Dear Mom (go back »)

Dear Mom,

Its been 1 year and 3 months since i touched your cold lifeless body. as you layed there lying on a gurney with your head on a foam block and your eyes and mouth glued shut, you couldn,t see me crying over you or talk to me to comfort me while i just stood there stroking your long hair and crying my eyes out. Among you was Wes, Uncle Tom, GG, Dawnie, Bill, me & dad.  a lot has happend since then.  I got married and you were the dozen roses in an empty chair.  2 months ago i was told i had severe cancer cells groing in my girl area and 3 weeks ago i had a hysterectomy.  it was so hard to not have my moom by my side in that hospital room. I pictured yoy walking through the door and telling me it was alright but you never showed up.  I know people always say "you mom is always watching you"  well thats all well and good but it doesnt help because its not physical.  I cant see you and I cant hear you.  i cry all the time.  i just want you so bad.  I want to come by the shop and see you.  when im sad i want to call you. when something great happends i want to call you.. i know i can talk you but you dont answer.  I pray to God he will grace your presence in my dreams at night. When he does it feels so real like your really there and you talk to and in my dreams i know your dead but.. its as if you are talking to me from heaven and i dont want the dream to end i dont want to wake up. i want to sleep to keep talking you.  I miss you more than anything.  I cant grasp why you are gone i cant understand why you died in a hotel room of heart failure just 4 days after your sister died.

its all to much to take in.  they say its get eaiser but its just getting worse.  please come home.  i love you.

In Letters to mom